No Matter What
by Hailfax-McGee
Summary: They never could've imagined how much intolerance could hurt. They never could've known their reactions would seal their fates. They never could've predicted the end… and all this just because Cody is gay? Happiness and Life are two very fragile things.
1. Riptide

**Chapter 1 – Riptide**

**AN: **So this story is a bit new for me. It will involve and be based around a gay couple. If that bugs you I hope you open up your mind. Anyway, I'm straight and I've never written about a gay couple before so we'll see how that goes. Also, this first chapter (and maybe a few after) will be almost solely romance-based. This is also new to me because I don't usually write romance. Bear with me and tell me how I did, and where I can improve. I live to become a better writer. All comments are appreciated.

As you read, keep this in mind: I don't own the Suite Life series or any characters from the shows. I only own the original characters you see throughout the story, and the plot.

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Cody looked at the running video game system in his and his brother's bedroom before closing the door. Then, he looked over at his friend, Eric, and smiled. Cody gestured to the game console, spinning Call of Duty with a whirring hum. "Want to play?"

Eric smiled and wetted his lips before shaking his head.

Cody tried to calm himself down. His heart was racing and his mind was spinning. A few deep breaths did wonders, but his gears were still cranking mercilessly fast on the inside.

He didn't know why he offered to play Call of Duty with Eric. Cody knew he wasn't any good. He could remember, vividly, all the times Zack beat him. Zack didn't just beat him; he humiliated him. They'd play a match to fifty and less than twenty minutes would pass before Zack would win 50-0. On a lucky day – one when the sun was shining through the rain, casting smallish rainbows on the wall – Cody would get a few points. But he never won.

Cody nearly laughed out-loud. He had no intentions on playing with a game console. There was something else he was planning on playing with. It was standing, white and lean and athletic, in front of him – Eric.

Eric swallowed a lump in his throat. "I don't want to play with _that_." He smiled again, still nervous. It had only been a week before they started dating. It was still a secret. They each could blame it on experimentation if they wanted out, but neither truly did. When they held each other, when their eyes and lips met, it felt right.

Eric Matthews could remember it like it was yesterday – the first time they met:

_It was a Sunday. The rain outside made it impossible for Zack and his best friend, Eric Matthews, to go to the skate park. Instead, they stayed at the suite and decided to play video games. They were both good – Zack was better – but they were both good._

_By that point in time Eric had already begun to question his sexuality. All his life he had been surrounded by people who lived and breathed the message: Girls, not guys. But he was starting to notice certain characteristics of certain people around him. Most prominently, he had begun to notice how attractive Zack Martin was._

_Zack wasn't tall, but he wasn't short. His dark blonde hair flowed perfectly over his forehead from left to right. His crystalline green-blue eyes seemed to be able to pierce anybody's soul – and melt any girl's heart. He had an attractive face, with modest, yet sharp features. He had a great smile, and an even better flirty smirk. His years of playing soccer and basketball showed in the locker room when he removed his shirt to show defined muscles covering his chest and stomach. Eric was starting to think Zack was attractive. Eric was starting to think he was gay, or at least bisexual. But still, he clung to one thought – maybe it was more of a hope. He didn't feel any feelings towards his best friend, and that had to mean he wasn't gay._

_But that fateful Sunday that thought, or hope, was shattered. They were tied, 24-24, playing Call of Duty. That was when Cody Martin, Zack's twin brother, walked in the room. Cody carried with him most – not all, but most – of Zack's physical attraction, but there was more to him than that. Along with looks Cody carried with him an air of confidence and independence._

_Zack paused the game, wary that Eric had just entered his sight, and introduced Cody._

"_Eric, this is my brother, Cody. Cody, this is Eric."_

_Cody smiled and extended his hand. "Hey, Eric."_

_Eric stood, stunned. He couldn't believe Cody was extending his hand towards him. He couldn't believe Cody was welcoming Eric's touch. Eric took his hand and smiled slightly, shyly. "Hey Cody, I'm Eric."_

_Their hands lingered together, passionately, for a few seconds, their eyes just a few moments longer. But that was all it took for Eric to be convinced. He could feel himself slipping, falling in love. With Cody Martin. With his best friend's brother. With another guy._

_He had no idea Cody had reciprocated those feelings in that same, slight amount of time. He had no idea Cody was looking over the tall, athletically built, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, boy in front of him. Eric had no idea Cody was also falling in love._

_Zack didn't catch anything. He was too busy thinking about how he was going to pull out his shotgun, turn the corner, and blast Eric's soldier's brains out for the win._

"_You ready Eric?"_

_Eric pulled his eyes away from Cody's for a second, before replying, "Yeah, go ahead."_

_Zack un-paused the game, but Eric's eyes drifted back to Cody's. Both boys smiled at each other, cautiously – not wanting to come on too strong._

_Zack laughed as a message flew across the screen:_

_zackattackXbossman killed EricTheRed_

That was only a week ago but since then so much had happened. It was funny to him how he could think that so much had happened. While it was true, it seemed that words couldn't describe exactly how much _had_ happened. He had fallen in love.

It was a few days after that fateful Sunday when Cody and Eric really decided to give it a go.

"_Cody." Eric nodded to Cody, concealing a smile._

"_Hi, Eric." Cody wanted to say and do so many things but only those two words could escape his mouth._

"_How are you?" Eric was beating himself up inside for beating around the bush. He knew he needed to do something to spur a true conversation._

"_Well, I guess I'm-"_

_Cody was cut off as a nervous, but dedicated Eric leaned in, pressing his lips to Cody's._

_Cody felt his eyes bulge and his eyebrows rise. After a brief moment of surprise he let himself relax into the kiss. Cody didn't have as much experience as his brother did, kissing, but he had still dated a few girls. That was before he realized where his true feelings lie. Cody had always thought how anticlimactic kissing seemed, how plain it seemed. But this kiss was unlike anything he had ever experienced._

_His head started spinning and Cody didn't know if it was because his brain was working in overdrive or it if was because the blood was draining from his brain to his groin._

_When Eric pulled away Cody could only smile like a goofy kid, "Eric… I… that was… wow."_

_Eric felt a cooling wave of relief wash over him. He had been so worried Cody would take it the wrong way. He had been so worried Cody didn't reciprocate his feelings. But now, those thoughts seemed so naïve, so ridiculous, so small. "I like you, Cody."_

"_I like you, Eric."_

"_Do you want to… you know… be together?"_

_Cody hesitated._

_Eric noticed. "I'm sorry. I just thought-"_

"_No, I do! I do. I've just never done this. With a boy I mean."_

_Eric shook his head, "Neither have I. But a few days ago, when I met you, when I shook your hand and looked into your eyes, I knew I was falling in love." Eric's heart began racing, hammering the inside of his chest. He hadn't meant to say he loved Cody._

_But Cody was put at ease, "You love me? I felt the same thing. I think I fell in love with you too."_

_Their lips met in another kiss that sealed both of their fates. But, neither knew how tragically it would end. It was almost certain that if they did know, neither would have made the commitment that would make them the happiest and saddest they'd ever be in their lives._

Eric liked reflecting back on those days, so recently passed. It reminded him how happy his decision made him. No longer did he have to hide his feelings. No longer did he have to battle with himself, telling himself he was gay then telling himself he wasn't. No longer did he have to wonder. It was set in stone: Eric Matthews was gay. And Eric Matthews loved Cody Martin.

Now, as the two approached each other, full of passion and desire, Cody looked at the clock gladly noticing it would be a full hour before Zack returned from running his errands, or what ever it was that he was doing.

Their eyes locked, blue meeting green-blue, and then their lips followed suit. It wasn't long before lips parted to make room for tongues that battled for dominance. The feeling sent erratic shockwaves through Eric's body. Some parts of him were completely numbed; other parts were electrifyingly stimulated.

They were reduced into a mass of groping and moaning softly. Hands slid under shirts and mouths and tongues found necks. The room heated up tenfold with pure passion.

Eric slid his hands under Cody's shirt feeling his skinny, secret boyfriend's body. Cody showed his approval by completely removing the garment. Eric followed suit, and they were further reduced into a mass of skin. They each breathed deeply savoring each other's scent, wanting the moment to last forever.

Neither heard the suite's door open and close. Neither heard Zack walk in.

Their kissing resumed with the same passionate fervor. Unbeknownst to them, Zack Martin reached for the doorknob, turned it, and opened the door into his bedroom.

Both Cody and Eric's heads whipped around to inspect the disturbance. Faces reddening, Cody withdrew from Eric's arms, while Eric retracted his hands from Cody's groin and butt.

"What the hell is going on here?" Zack's voice was quiet and forced but it rang out like the scream of a thousand F-22s.

Neither Cody, nor Eric could find their voice; it was lost deep in their embarrassment and desperation to find a response.

Zack could feel his own blood draining from his face in the opposite way his red-faced twin's had migrated. It a shocking and horrifying realization he knew, in an instant, that his brother and his best friend had been making out, half-naked. In an instant he knew that his brother and his best friend were going behind his back, dating. In the most life-altering instant of Zack Martin's life he realized his brother was gay.

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Thank you for reading this chapter. Stay tuned for more to come. With the release of this story I have officially put 'Stage Two' on hold. I'm sorry to anybody that wanted the resolution to that story any time soon. I need to re-map-out the rest of the plot and choose how I want to get from where we are now to the end. Don't worry though, 'Dreamer' is still kickin'. We're on the descent towards the end of that story, so I needed a new project. This one came a little prematurely, but that's okay.

Anyway, please tell me how I did with this chapter. I'm in a completely new environment here, writing romance. Any stylistic problems? Typos? (I'm sure there are a few of those) Tips to make me a better writer? I'll take all the help I can get.

A few questions to ponder: How will Zack react? How will Cody and Eric react? How will Zack's reactions have implications on all of their lives? Stay tuned to find out.


	2. The Infection

**Chapter 2 – The Infection**

**AN: **I'd just like to thank those people who started this story up from the start, reading the first chapter and reviewing. You guys are awesome and I hope you keep reading this. Thank you Twilight Archangel, JuTJuTJuT, and Waldojeffers

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Zack raised his voice, louder, deafening. "What the hell is going on here?"

Cody and Eric shared a second of eye contact before they both reached for their shirts. Once, decent Eric spoke up, "Look Zack… Cody and I…"

Zack clinched his teeth together so hard he thought he'd start bleeding from his ears, "Cody, what's going on?"

Cody took a deep breath and clinched his eyes together tightly for a moment, "Zack, Eric and I are dating."

Zack felt his mouth drop open. _Dating? Did he just say dating? I must have heard wrong. _"You're what?"

Eric put his arm around Cody's shoulders, "We're dating."

Zack felt his throat go dry as he realized he had heard correctly, "So you… Cody you're… and Eric… you're… gay?" The world felt like a razor blade being dragged across his tongue. It was like the word itself didn't want to come out. The pain it caused was so immense it made Zack's ears ring. He thought it was his mind playing tricks on him, but he tasted blood in his mouth.

Cody nodded. He hoped desperately Zack would approve. His reaction wasn't negative so far. It was mostly disbelief. Cody thought perhaps they'd be okay; maybe they'd get out of it with all their limbs still attached. "Yes, Zack. We're gay."

Zack shook his head, "No. No!" He looked at them; from his confusion he could feel the beginning traces of anger rise, "My brother and my best friend? No. No." Out of self control, or self respect, or fear he turned around, left the room. He grabbed his car keys and walked out the door.

Cody called after Zack, but there was no response. He stood to follow him, but a strong hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Just let him go, Cody. He needs time to think."

Cody nodded, knowing what Eric said was right. Zack had just found out Cody's biggest secret. It wasn't the way he wanted it to happen. Cody wanted to be comfortable being with Eric first. He wanted everything to be going smoothly for a while before telling Zack. It was a big deal, coming out. It was a very big deal. Cody knew with a person like Zack, it'd have to be handled carefully. This was the most un-careful way he could find out.

Cody could feel tears rising. Maybe he thought it was stupid, but he wanted Zack's approval more than anything. Cody had always looked up to Zack. Sure, Cody was maybe smarter – at least, he got better grades – but Zack was better at everything deemed "cool". Zack was more athletic, he was better looking than he was, and he was smoother with girls than he was. The list went on and on. He knew it was childish to see Zack as his "big brother" because they were so close in age, but realistically Zack was – by ten minutes. But in Cody's mind Zack was his big brother because Zack stood up for him, and Zack taught him, and Zack helped him when he needed it. He was a good big brother. Cody just wanted him to be proud.

Maybe it was somewhat of a blind emotion, that desire for Zack to be proud of him. Maybe it was childish to want Zack to be proud of him in the first place. Maybe there was no hope of Zack ever being proud of him ever again. Very clearly, Zack had articulated that he didn't approve. Unless the word "no" suddenly meant something else, Cody's only sense of purpose had been destroyed. He was lost.

"It's okay Cody, he'll come around." Eric rubbed his back and pulled Cody into a hug. It was different, comforting him. He had never comforted a guy like this before. In fact, he couldn't remember ever seeing another guy cry. He felt bad thinking that it was a welcome change. It was enlightening. It was liberating. It felt nice to be able to hold Cody and tell him it'd be okay. It felt right. It was like their bodies were two puzzle pieces, snapping perfectly into place with one another. Even their breathing was perfectly synchronized.

"I just want him to approve, you know? He's my big brother. I just want him to be proud of me. Is that dumb, Eric? I feel so dumb."

Eric was now officially half of a single body, "It's okay, Cody. That's not dumb at all. That's perfectly normal. If I had a big brother I'd want the same thing."

"I never wanted him to figure out like this." Cody's tears made his voice slurred and hardtounderstand.

"It'll be okay. As long as we're together, it'll be okay."

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Even though Zack had grabbed his car keys he knew he was in no condition to drive. His hands were shaking; his vision was filled with spots. His mind kept replaying replaying replaying the scene he had just walked into. With a disturbed sense of humor he recognized how that was not on his list of things he expected to see today. Not at all. In fact, he had never even considered the possibility of his baby brother or even his best friend being gay. And what made it even weirder: they were dating. Replay. Replay.

Replaying that same scene.

Every time his mind went through it the same thing happened: the horrifyingly exquisite detail of seeing his brother without a shirt and kissing his best friend, and the horrifyingly exquisite detail of seeing his best friend's hand on – not just on, but feeling, stimulating – Cody's manhood from the outside of his shorts. It was horrible. Zack hadn't ever dreamt of seeing something like that. And as a teenage boy, filled with testosterone like a wet sponge, he had endured some strange dreams.

It was really more than shock. It was a feeling of disappointment and a feeling of need to protect Cody. It was like a brotherly instinct. Their contact, more specifically Eric's hand on Cody, was a crime in his mind. He wanted to jump to Cody's aid, protect him from his assaulter. But, of course, Cody accepted it. He liked it.

But the worst part, worse than the realization that Cody was gay, was seeing how perfectly their bodies fit together. While Cody was taller than Zack, he was still relatively short. Eric was tall. But it didn't matter. They fit together perfectly and the color of their skin was the same, that pale, off-white. They looked so natural together, like they were made for each other.

But still, Zack was repressing his feelings. He didn't want to admit to himself that his brother was gay. The implications went on and on. Cody would be made fun of. _He _would be made fun of. From now on Zack would always be the one with a gay brother. That's how he'd be known. His reputation would be shattered, but that paled in comparison the real implication. Zack knew he'd never look at Cody the same ever again. Even if, somehow, he got over it – accepted it – even if he _wanted_ to look at Cody the same, he'd never be able to.

Zack didn't come home that night until the late – or early – hours. It was past 2 AM. Carey had noticed. How could she not? But, as a mother, she could tell Cody was upset about something. She couldn't quite place her finger on it, but he seemed different. He was certainly more pensive than usual. Cody wasn't a naturally pensive person. Carey always imagined her younger son's brain as a giant spreadsheet. When he needed an answer he'd delve into it, find the appropriate row, column, and blurt out the answer effortlessly. He was smart, but not pensive. Now though, he was sitting on the couch, eyes dull and unfocused.

Carey had enough experience with her two boys to know when they were in the middle of a fight. Over the past few years they had developed a routine. They'd get in a fight, Zack would leave and he wouldn't come home until late at night. The first few times he was gone she was worried, but he always told her he was either down at the game room or walking. Those were the things he did to clear his mind.

When Carey went to bed just shy of midnight Cody was still in the same, unfocused position on the couch. Zack was still gone. She assumed it was a big fight. But, eyes tired and limbs heavy, she finally resolved to go to bed. Whatever it was they had fought about she knew they could work it out on their own. They were seventeen, easily old enough to handle personal problems themselves. There was no need for her to be a moderator. There was no need for her to even know what the fight was about. That was the hard thing about raising two twins. They grew up in the same ways. One minute she was changing their diapers. The next she was driving them to school and wishing them a good day. Now they were their own men: nearly, completely independent. It was hard, but Carey knew her hard work had paid off.

Her observation continued throughout the following day. When Zack and Cody woke up they didn't talk. They didn't make their sarcastic remarks and playful insults at each other. In fact, they didn't even make eye contact. A few times, she caught Cody looking hopeful at Zack, but when Zack would turn to look back Cody's eyes would snap to the ground. She could make a few assumptions about the nature of the argument, but she chose not to. Sometimes it was just better not to know. She had been a teenager once and the nature of some arguments were ether entirely, disgustingly personal, or ridiculous. She could only imagine teenage boys were worse – at least in one of those categories, but probably both.

Sunday passed without dialogue. Naturally, with Sunday being the chosen day for Zack to cram all of his homework in on, he was quiet. But Cody, just kept to himself. His one-word answers and reserved persona summoned an overcast sky, darkening downtown Boston into a world of cement and metal and people too busy to talk.

Dinner was equally awkward. The tension between her two boys was evident in everything from the way their eyes flicked back and forth to the way they shifted positions to their quiet chewing and respectable manners.

"Well aren't you two just saints today. It's nice to have a quiet day around here."

She had been trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work.

That same mood passed into Monday. Carey didn't know what had happened on Monday, but Zack and Cody were still sulking, living in their temporarily shattered reality. But neither of them knew if it was, in fact, temporary.

Classes passed, people came and went. It wasn't until lunch that Cody met up with Eric. Cody didn't know how he did it, but he had seemed to pass through half the day on the brink of tears. He hadn't raised his hand to answer questions – the teachers noticed, but they had fifteen or twenty other kids to deal with. Cody's normalness wasn't anything to write home about.

"Cody, how are you doing?" Eric approached unsure of how to act. Their dating was still secret. Neither of them had even come out. Everything was secret. It was depressing.

"Horrible. Zack's just ignoring me. I don't know what to do."

"Hey, it's okay. He'll come around. Just give him time."

"That's what you said before."

"I know. I know. Maybe talk to him about it tonight. I think that maybe that'd be better. You guys are best friends and if you keep this up, you'll be torn apart."

Cody's voice was barely more than a whisper, "I think we're already torn apart."

"Hey, don't talk like that."

Cody smiled slightly as Eric shook his head to clear his hair from his eyes. He thought it was so cute when he did that. He pulled him into a lesser-used hallway and talked in a quieter voice. "I think that maybe we should just take some time apart. Just until I get this thing resolved with Zack."

Eric looked hurt, but not surprised. "Yeah, maybe that'd be for the best."

Cody nodded, closer to tears than he had been all day. "I like you, I just don't want anything to go wrong."

Eric nodded, but didn't say anything. A horrible thought kept ripping through his head. What if Zack _didn't _approve. What if it made Cody have second thoughts about his sexuality? What if Cody gave in to his brother's pressure and went back to being straight, reserved as ever? But Eric knew Cody was stronger than that. Cody had a mind of his own. That had been the thing that had made him so attractive when they first met.

Anticipation and nerves made the rest of the day fade away until the twins found themselves, back at home. It wasn't until Carey left for her evening performance in the lounge that Cody actually confronted his brother. He waited fifteen minutes after his mother left, just to be sure. He was done taking chances.

"Zack, we have to talk about this."

Zack just looked at him and mumbled something.

"Come on, please."

Like a bullet, out of nowhere, "So you thought you could just go behind my back with this, huh?"

Cody was surprised for an instant but found his reply shortly after, "I wasn't going behind your back. Since when has my personal life been your concern?"

Zack shrugged angrily, "Oh I don't know, maybe because it involves my little brother and my best fucking friend!"

"I know what this is about. If he were a girl you wouldn't care at all. It'd be perfectly normal to you. That's what this is about, isn't it?"

Zack wanted to deny it. He opened his mouth right away but the lie couldn't come out. He simply closed his mouth and lowered his eyes, if only slightly.

"I can't believe you, Zack. Why can't you just realize-"

"No, Cody. Why did you lie to me? Huh? Why'd you lie to me?"

"I didn't lie to you about anything!"

"Well why didn't you tell me?" Zack noticed the sound of his voice was more hurt than it was angry. He needed to readjust.

"I just wanted to be sure of everything first. Zack, all I want is your approval. I just want you to be okay with this."

Zack laughed dryly, "Oh, so you think I'm just going to be okay with it? How do you think it feels walking in on your best friend and your brother? Hell, you were half naked, Cody and he was touching you!"

Cody shook his head. In reality he thought Zack had a fair and valid point. It would be a little strange coming across that, but it was Zack's fault for coming home early. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, Zack. I am. But Eric and I love each other. I just want you to be okay with that. Please."

Zack stood silent for the longest moment in history. Then, all-to-confidently, "I'm just not sure what to think anymore, Cody. I just don't know." He reached for his car keys and left the suite.

Cody watched him go and felt hot tears running down his face and into his mouth. They dripped off his chin like a small cascading waterfall and with every passing second his vision grew more and more blurred.

All it took was one sobbing phone call and fifteen minutes for Eric to show up at their door. Immediately he pulled Cody into a hug and kissed the top of his head over and over, whispering, "It's okay. It'll be okay. I'm here."

But Cody knew only one of those three statements were true.

Without warning Cody crashed his salt-covered lips on Eric's and together they pulled each other into the bedroom.

As clothes were strewn about, covering blotches of floor and skin pressed against skin and moans echoed in the holes of the universe, neither Eric, nor Cody expected their first time to be so unprovoked, so unromantic. But in place of romance was raw, pure passion. Desire of the strongest variety.

After the most unforgettable and remarkably unlike-what-they-thought experience, they both found themselves lying underneath a sheet, panting. Cody lay half on top of Eric and Eric rubbed his back. He felt Cody's chest start pulsating uncontrollably before he heard his words.

"Shit! We need to get dressed. What if Zack comes home, or mom. Come on."

They both jumped out of bed, admiring each other's nakedness for a minute or two, before picking up the here-and-there clothes lying about.

It didn't take them more than ninety seconds to fully don their clothes and rearrange the pillows and sheets on the bed. Quickly, they shared a few kisses and went back out into the living room.

"Eric that was…" Cody couldn't find the words to finish the sentence. It was too new of an experience to describe it. It had been completely different than imagined. It had hurt a little even, but still the hum of their hearts, singing a song of unity and love, dulled the pain. The dopamine and adrenaline coursing through his body dulled everything else.

"Yeah. It was."

"You know. I want to get back together. And I think we should come out. Only if you think so, though."

Eric nodded slowly, unsure, "What about Zack?"

Cody scrunched up his face like a young child, "Screw Zack. This isn't about him. I love you, Eric, and I want to be with you. I want to be able to be with you, publically. It's hard keeping this a secret."

"Okay. If you're ready for that, then, so am I. But, aren't you worried about what other people will say?"

Cody smiled and leaned his head on his boyfriend's shoulder, "No. Some will make fun of us, some will be proud of us. Most won't care. But no matter what happens. We'll have each other and we'll make it through this."

"No matter what?"

Cody nodded and kissed the side of his mouth where his reddish lips turned to whitish skin, "No matter what."

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Thanks for reading the second chapter. I guess if you're reading this then you'll probably be reading the rest of the story... I really don't have anything to say, I'm just rambling because it's a force of habit. Right now, go read these authors: S.K. Millz and the-lovely-anomaly


	3. To End the Rapture

**Chapter 3 – To End the Rapture**

**AN:** Thank you everyone that has reviewed in the short time this story has been up - Waldojeffers, Twilight Archangel, deantastic, JuTJuTJuT, standingsingle - if this story was a car you guys are the gas. Also, for anyone reading 'Dreamer' - sorry I didn't update this week. I had a helluva lot of homework and this chapter was already written. Anyway, sorry for not updating, but next weekend probably!

As has been the trend so far, the titles of the chapters have been songs. Look 'em all up (truthfully, I don't like this song that much but everything else by Avenged Sevenfold kicks ass). So far I've had Riptide by Sick Puppies, The Infection by Disturbed, and now this. I do not take any ownership claims to these songs.

Anyway, this story is really just cruising right along. I got into the plot so fast it was scary (I couldn't bear to write about Cody and Eric falling in love over time 'cause romance isn't my thing, so I'm playing the love at first sight card. I'm not quite used to getting into the plot so quickly, but I like it, I guess. I really don't know why I'm still talking... stop reading this and get to the chapter!

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**Chapter 3 - To End the Rapture**

It was the next day when Cody came out. It was in the middle of the kitchen. Everybody was gathered, standing, eating their breakfast. Zack and Carey had no idea Cody was about to unveil his biggest secret. Carey was too busy trying to figure out the nature of their argument. While they started talking again, it was barely. Only a few tense, forced words would slip out every now and then. Carey saw it as improvement, but obviously the conflict wasn't resolved. Zack was too lost in his own head and thoughts to notice or even care about the way Cody opened and closed his mouth and the way he shifted his weight from right to left and back again.

"Mom."

Carey looked up from her swirling cup of coffee. She drank it black. Higher concentration of caffeine. "What is it honey?" She still called them both honey. They'd always be honey. They were young men now, but they were still her babies.

Cody took a deep breath, he inhaled and exhaled shakily. _Okay, Cody. Just like a Band-Aid. _"Mom, I'm gay."

Carey just barely refrained from spitting out her coffee. "I'm sorry, what Cody."

Zack's attention was caught too, though he didn't show it. Cody could tell from the way he clinched his teeth together like he was chewing.

"I'm gay."

Carey didn't know how to react. _I must have missed that chapter in the Guide to Parenting._ He took another long sip, buying herself time before she spoke, "Well Cody. No matter who you are just know that Zack and I love you." _That's it? Come on Carey. Oh, that's what all this tension is about. He must have told Zack first._

Cody stood there expecting more to come out of her mouth, but yet, he wasn't sure.

"You are however you are. You'll always be my baby and I'll always love you." Carey looked over at Zack who was staring into the back-of-a-fork strokes in his peanut butter. "Zack?"

"Yeah, whatever." He set his plate in the sink and walked into the living room.

Carey saw the way Cody looked after him. She saw the way he stared at the spot he had been standing in. She saw the tears come to his eyes and she saw him force them back. She saw everything. "Oh Zack just doesn't know what to say honey. He feels the same way."

"Yeah, sure." Cody walked past her, walked past Zack, and left the suite.

Carey was feeling dizzy; she didn't know how to react. She always imagined how hard it must be for parents to find out their little – or not so little – boy is gay. She never expected to go through it herself. It was surprisingly simple. Easy wasn't the right word, she could tell it wasn't easy. But it was plain, straightforward: simple. She decided to tackle the concern she did know how to handle, "Zack what do you have to say for yourself?"

Zack didn't say anything.

"I know you probably think he's joking, but this is very serious. You have to show support."

"No you don't understand mom. I know he's not joking. In fact, a few days ago I walked into my room and do you want to know what I saw? Cody and my best friend, Eric, making out. That's what I saw. So don't talk to me about showing support when I find out two of the closest people in my life are gay and were dating behind my back!"

"Zack-" Her strict tone did nothing to repel his interruption.

"Mom, don't." He slung his backpack over a shoulder, took a deep breath and headed out for what was sure to be a long day at school.

It was awkward. It was one of those things that you don't know how to go about. When you don't even know where to start, it makes everything hard from the beginning. Neither Eric, nor Cody knew who to tell first, how to tell them, anything. It was a completely foreign, hostile environment, like combing the desert for a nest of terrorists.

Cody could only assume it was like being in a play. He had been in a few plays before. Before, nerves build and build and build until you're shaking and you can hardly speak properly, but once you're under those blaring lights saying the lines you've repeated over and over and over everything melts away and before you know it, it's done.

The first person he told was his main group of friends. He and Eric had gathered them together and broke the news and they laughed and smiled and everything was okay. Then they told Eric's closest friends.

It was different for Cody. Normally he didn't talk to the people Eric would have. Eric, like Zack, was one of the more popular, athletic guys in the school. The ones people knew and respected. Cody had just stayed out of their way in the past and he felt lost among the tall, built bodies of those around him. When Eric had broken the news it had been a disaster. Immediately there was name-calling and instantly they rejected his friendship. Cody offered to hold off on telling people for a while but Eric just shook his head. He may have lost his closest friends but to him, it didn't matter nearly as much as the one he loved.

But as the day wore on and classes passed and people came and went, the news spread like a cliché. By the end of the day, everybody heard. It was at the point where every person in the building, including some teachers, had said, "Did you hear?"

But once the secret was out, the feeling between Eric and Cody wasn't as expected. It was mixed, instead. They were able to hold hands and smile at each other. Even a few small kisses had been snuck at times of modest privacy. It was liberating. The earned a few nervous and awkward glances. They earned more than a few titles. Most prominent among the names were: fag, homo, and cocksucker. It was bittersweet.

But, life went on. Time still slipped by and the world kept turning and maybe that was just enough. Cody knew it would be hard, at least for a few weeks. But then, like any other news, it would fade away into nothingness and it would just become one of those known things. Like a storm, it'd pass. Eric had needed some convincing though. They found themselves in his car after school. He had picked Cody up from the hotel that morning and was going to drop him off. But, when they got in the car they didn't drive away right away. They sat down for a talk.

"That was harder than I thought it'd be." Cody looked at his boyfriend hoping to draw some sort of willing response.

Eric nodded, "Yeah. I never knew that my friends were such jerks. I guess they weren't really my friends."

Cody nodded and rubbed his leg, just above the knee. "No, they weren't. But it'll be done in a few weeks. Everything'll go back to normal."

Eric nodded, a smile forming on his lips, "I'm glad to hear you say that Cody. I mean, Zack…" His voice tapered off into a forced silence.

"Yeah. We still aren't really talking."

"Well what happened?"

"I told him that I just wanted his approval and I wanted him to be okay with it. I told him that I loved you."

Eric smiled and waited for him to continue.

"Then he told me he didn't know what to think and he left."

It was Eric's turn to rub Cody's leg and offer a few comforting words.

Then, tears dried in the sun, they drove off and were happy because they were together. They knew that was all that mattered and they'd say it over and over and over and over again. It was the best sounding thing, that word, _together_.

They could whisper it _together, _at the same time, as their lips were so close to meeting, and that whisper could stop time. It could turn back the devil's sins and it could've freed the slaves. And, for sure, world hunger was no more. It healed every infraction or fracture, and it healed every physical and mental laceration that damned them to be nothing more than _fags_. But it wasn't healing. It didn't fix their problems, because they didn't have any problems. What they did have was each other. No matter what – to the edge of the sunlight where rainbows danced with each other in golden meadows like happiness.

And yet, as days passed, the bittersweet liberation continued like a holy conquest. Bittersweet – maybe more bitter than sweet. Stares turned to laughs and laughs to shoves and soon Cody knew what the cement in front of the school tasted like – old feet and sun-stroked rubber. But it didn't stop there.

It had a ripple effect. First the bittersweet liberation consumed Cody, he was the weakest, the most fragile. Then it was Eric. He was stripped from his on-top-of-the-world position in school "politics" and pretty soon he couldn't make eye contact with a guy without them cursing his name and calling him a fag. He noticed. He wasn't at all oblivious. He knew he'd be lying to say that he missed his position of almost-self-appointed authority. It was calming to know that people respected you and would do things for you. Now, he was that guy in the locker room that everybody avoided because obviously he was trying to "eat everyone's dick". But it didn't stop there. Not even there.

It claimed one more victim, that bittersweet liberation. For Cody it may have been sweeter than anything else. Eric tasted both sides – bitter and sweet. It hit Zack so hard he puckered for days. People still looked up to him as much as they did before but it was different. He wasn't just the athletic brother or the ladies' man, no; Zack Martin was now officially the brother of a fag. And that's all he was. A few times he'd been asked if he was gay too, every time he made sure to give an adamant _No! _He had been reduced to nothing more than what Cody wasn't, instead of what _he _was.

And after a while it took its toll. After a few days, almost a week, Cody was a crying mess and Zack's self confidence was being re-programmed. Eric was all but lost in his own head, missing what was while loving what is and wishing for better things to come. And all three of them, the left, right, and middle of the spectrum, had nobody to talk to and nowhere to go.

Of course they could talk to Carey but all they'd get was, "I love you for whoever you are." Or, "You just have to show some support" Or, "It'll all pass by in a few days."

It had been a few days. Twice. And Cody had had enough.

It was a sickening plethora of emotions he was suffering through. While he was glad his aching secret was out, the negative smothered the happiness until it was insignificant, unnoticeable. He was stressed because of all the constant whispers. He was nervous because of the small displays of aggression he had to deal with, mainly from a select few members of the school – Eric's former friends. He was ultimately sad, slipping into a state of would-be depression. He was getting made fun of and his boyfriend was getting made fun of and he could accept that. He had almost planned for it, fortified the walls around his mind. That was to be expected. But he never expected Zack to get dragged into it. Cody knew that Zack hadn't really shown support in any way for him, but somehow Cody still knew that Zack would protect him from any harm. They were still brothers, family, and nothing could change that. It was his constant – a crutch of sorts – to know that there was always some degree of support.

So Cody made a decision – a spontaneous, probably stupid one – but it was a course of action and sometimes that was the best bandage for any battle wound, mind or body. He became determined to put a stop to the name-calling and bullying. It was his chance to be there for Zack, he could see that. It was his chance to show everybody that he, Cody Martin, could be strong. It was his chance to show Zack that he still loved him and supported him, even if Zack might not show he was willing to reciprocate. Maybe the plan had a few undertones of sarcasm and bitter-feelings. Maybe, Cody could admit this, the plan was meant to make Zack feel bad about not showing support. Cody couldn't deny the thought had crossed his mind more than once or twice.

So Cody thought up his plan and decided he'd carry it out the next day, Thursday. He didn't know what would happen, but it'd at least raise awareness if nothing else. At least, he'd make a few people feel bad for him. Cody knew the bullies – he hated the sound of that word – communicated in one way. He knew that the more grown-up, professional way to deal with problems was through verbal communications, stating what you want and what's bothering you, but that was a foreign language to them. They communicated through physical assault. So he'd give them physical assault.

* * *

**AN: **Wahahahaha! Cody, fighting? What a thought, huh? We'll see how this one'll turn out next chapter. Comments? Concerns? Any annoying habits of mine that you're tired of seeing?

Truthfully, the next chapter is written, but I'm going to make you guys wait because I'm a superjerk and it's important, therefore cementing my title as superjerk. AND it needs a little sprucing up. Good night, guys. Please comment. Honestly I tend to find stories I read through people's profiles. On that note, if there's any stories anybody wants to recommend to me or if you want me to read one of your stories, leave a comment and I'll make time for it (meaning, I won't do my homework - oh well)


	4. Tonight the World Dies

**Chapter 4 – Tonight the World Dies**

**AN: **Warning! This chapter contains a bit of colorful language. If you're offended by this, sorry - but let's be real, in a situation like this... well, I'm just trying to remain as realistic as possible. Anyway it does contain some language and terms.

Also this story is now going to be straying from a romance-based story. Keep in mind the Angst/Drama genre I've given it (even though I'm horrible at categorizing my stories!) But just know, if you came here for a fluffy, cute little romance story... sorry.

This is not a request, it is a demand: Go read lividredemption's 'Suite Horizons' series. There's four of them right now and they are four very, very good stories. He is an amazing writer and plot designer. The last two have blown me away especially. They're sci-fi themed and action-packed which is awesome because there aren't many of those here. So go read them!

* * *

Naturally neither Eric, nor Zack, knew about his plan. He'd kept it to himself because he didn't need any help – or at least he didn't want any help. It was after school, after a rough day of sailing and coasting through the misery of being looked down upon and harassed. Cody could do nothing but smile.

It was after school that he finally launched into action. As had become customary, he suffered either a locker-slam or an assault of hot slurs at the end of every school day. Now, he wasn't planning on sitting there and taking it. He knew nothing would come of it. There was no good to be had, no justice served, by doing nothing. Instead when the three boys, all also seventeen, walked up to him unsheathing their words he stood, looked them in the eye and smiled.

"What'ya smilin' at you fucking fag? Daydreaming about sucking my cock?"

The other two basketball and football standouts laughed and laughed like they had just heard the funniest thing in the world. It was just to piss him off.

Cody was halfway through a sarcastic nod when the words came to him, "I wouldn't even look at your shrimp dick."

The boy, Thomas O'Brien – tall, leanly built, short brown hair, maybe he did have a shrimp dick, who would know? It's not like he had ever been with a girl before – grabbed him by the shoulders and pounded him, back first, into the locker. "Watch your fucking mouth!" His eyes could have spewed venom or acid from the pupils.

Cody mustered up his strength, the pain from all the abuse and the hurt from all the words, gathered it into pure strength and pushed him back. He swung a fist, surprised how much his hand hurt when it struck its target. Then another fist, and another. He totaled three on-target punches before O'Brien's posse restrained him. Cody could have kept going, and kept fighting, but he knew he wasn't stronger than these two boys.

By now a crowd was forming, lonely waves washing onto a forgotten shore and watching with awe as it wept for all of humanity. They gathered in a horrifying circle around the four boys, some cheered, others whispered. Some stood deathly still.

Cody felt his head jerk around before he felt the pain explode like a hot coil in his right cheek. When his hearing returned a few seconds later he heard the last of the dying cheer. The crowd wanted more.

"I'm going to fucking beat you to shit, you fucking fag!" O'Brien formed another fist and swung it hard, connecting with Cody's thin stomach. Then another connected with his other cheek, then again.

Cody gave a sarcastic laugh before he felt the punch to his jaw. He felt his lip spit apart, his tooth piercing it like a dagger. That was when time melted away and punches became blurs. He'd see a flash of skin and feel a tingle of pain and it would get blurrier and blurrier. Deemed not a threat to anybody's well being, he was released and he collapsed to the ground. He scanned the crowd for a familiar face, eyes widening when he saw his brother's.

Voice shaking and gurgling like a dead man's, "Zack. Help me, please." Cody reached out for his brother, knowing at any second the pain would be over and he'd be safe and in Zack's arms. His plan hadn't worked, not like he thought it would.

In fact, he knew, in the long run it had probably done more bad than good.

Zack stood there crying what felt like ice. The shameless tears fell from their sockets, homeless and wandered down his cheeks killing his skin, melting his face off because they were so cold. He choked on a sob and began gnashing his teeth together furiously, in thought. He shook his head, throwing more tears to the left and the right, back to the left. And then he did nothing. He stood. And he waited. And he watched.

Cody retched as he felt a foot connect with his gut, but nothing came up except pride and happiness and a feeling of belonging. He rolled halfway over, onto his back, and looked for his brother once more. The last thing Cody saw was Zack standing, face like stone and tears dried – looming like some black monolith, an omen of death.

Then everything went black. He didn't know, couldn't have, that they kept on beating him. Kept pushing him closer and closer to death.

Cody dreamed of rainbows and he dreamed of the loudest and clearest bell ringing and ringing. He dreamed of that he was flying. He dreamed that everything was going to be okay. He dreamed that he was able to look at himself and laugh and laugh because it was funny. He dreamed he was anybody but himself and he dreamed that people would accept him and he dreamed that he was riding a horse and he dreamed that the drums boomed boomed boomed a path to his future. He dreamed that when he reached out his hand somebody held it.

When Cody woke up he didn't remember any of his dreams, just the residue, the feeling, they left behind – that bitterness of alone. He tried to move but he couldn't. There was only a dull ache, the pain reduced by massive amounts of painkillers. But he could hardly move. Only the little bit he could move his head and his arms and his toes reassured him that he wasn't paralyzed. Tubes emerged and burrowed into his skin from every available or exposed part. There were machines that injected water and beautiful sedatives into his bloodstream, and there were machines that monitored his pulse and blood pressure. But there was nobody in the room.

Or so he thought. Really, his mother was in the connected bathroom dropping Visine into her eyes and his brother was shrunken into a chair in the corner of the room, eyes glued on the swollen and cut up and bandaged face of his brother. His insides were spinning out of control with emotion.

_Cody you're so dumb! Why do you have to go around picking fights? Huh? What made you think that was a good idea? Maybe if you knew how to fight. Maybe… maybe if you weren't gay._

He felt horrible thinking that, but horrible was an improvement from helpless and wallowing in his misery and regret. He knew what he had done, his crime, his sin; his conscience would never let him forget. He had done nothing, and he knew that was worse than anything he could have done. He could have made fun of Cody and pushed him around as much as O'Brien and his friends had. He could have been an aggressor – at least he'd have displayed passion in one form or another. Conversely, he could have showed support and love and held Cody's hand, washed his wounds and whispered in his ear. He could have been there for him. But instead, he chose to do nothing. He had watched, shamelessly, as his brother had been beat to almost-death.

All at once, Zack cracked his knuckles, giving away his presence, and Cody groaned in drowsy, dull pain, and Carey emerged from the bathroom, eyes full of love and regret and Visine, covering up all the negatives.

She ran to his side and kissed his forehead, not minding the blood that was still there. It was her son, after all. Zack stood from the chair and took a few cautious steps towards him, forgetting for a moment that he, himself, was the devil.

Cody smiled and melted into the one person that ever pushed him along his path, before it all vanished from his face as his eyes met his brother's identical orbs.

Carey choked back her tears, "Baby, what happened."

Zack's heart began racing. Here it was, the moment of reckoning. He'd never be the same, for as long as he lived. He'd forever be looked at differently because he hadn't lifted a finger, or an eyelash, to help his brother. In a flash, a fraction of an instant, he considered running away or jumping out of the three-story window and how he'd never have to live with that shame.

Cody coughed once; a little blood stained his lips. "I don't remember."

Zack felt a flash of hope then his mother spoke again, to him.

"Zack, where were you when all this happened? Cody, oh I'm so glad you're okay now. Why didn't anybody help you?"

Cody shrugged painfully, feeling gone, "Zack had already left. I saw him go. I don't know they all just stood there and watched." While he had bailed Zack out – again – he had made sure to make sarcastic eye contact with him as he spoke the sentence.

Zack felt his own painkillers, adrenaline and hope.

Carey just closed her eyes and held Cody's hand.

Then, disturbing the troubled peace – maybe it was a blessing – a man in a white, three-quarter jacket entered the room. "Ms. Martin, I need to talk to you outside for a couple of minutes."

Carey nodded, exchanged a look with each of her boys, and left the room behind him.

Zack took his opportunity to begin his redemption. He took steps toward his breathing brother and sat down at the foot of the bed, "Thank you Cody. Thank you for lying, you didn't have to."

Cody didn't say anything.

"Come on, Cody. Say something."

Nothing, just pained and painful eye contact.

"Cody. Please. Say something! Say you hate me, but just say something!" Zack couldn't stand the silence. He didn't realize that it was almost the same as what he had done to Cody, only without the life-threatening pain.

Before looking away, "Get the fuck off my bed."

So Zack did, but it broke his heart.

**

* * *

**

It only took a couple weeks for Cody to make a full recovery. That's all it took. A couple weeks.

But for Zack it was the longest couple weeks of his life. He cried and he stayed silent, he hoped and wished. He prayed. He felt stupid, thinking back on the first night he had prayed. It seemed so juvenile, to pray. So desperate. That's what praying was, desperate. But looking back, Zack knew that it wasn't juvenile or stupid. The results proved that theory wrong.

_Zack knelt down before his bed, elbows rested on his blanket and chin resting on the rising points of his middle fingers, hands glued together in the customary – origins uncertain – prayer fashion. He didn't know how to do it; he didn't know what to say. But he knew he had to give it a go. So a go, he gave:_

"_Um… I don't really know what I'm doing here. I feel so stupid, but I need help. I guess you already know me. And everything I've done, you know that too. But just in case, I'm Zack. Zack Martin. And I've made a huge mistake. I just stood there and I didn't do anything. I don't… I can't talk about it; I don't know what to say. But Cody needs help. He's not okay. They're all telling me he's okay, but he coughs up blood all the time. He's not okay. I need help. He needs help. I'm so sorry. I'll do anything, everything, to make up for it. I just… I love him so much. He's my brother for Christssake. Oops… I probably shouldn't say that huh? Sorry. Force of habit. But I love him. I know I didn't tell him and I know I didn't show my support. I was angry, you know? So angry. How could I not be? I mean, Eric was my best friend. Maybe he still is. I've got nobody now. I don't know. But he was my friend and Cody was my brother. It just happened and I was there and I don't know. Eric was touching him. If it had been anybody else I'd have beat the shit out of them so bad they'd be in that hospital bed. But it was Eric. And Cody looked like he liked it." Zack expelled a long chain of compressed breath from his lungs, "Shit. I don't know. I just need help, for Cody, I mean. I'm not too good at this, but I really need help. You probably get a lot of these don't you? But, this one's serious. I'd do anything. Everything. Please. I just want my brother back. I just want to be able to tell him I love him and I want to be able to see him brush his teeth and smile. Sounds kind of dumb doesn't it. I bet you know I was about to say gay. See? I'm trying! Just please."_

_Zack stood up and looked up at his ceiling and could have sworn he saw the face of a smiling and listening man there, but it was so fast and so dark that he couldn't really tell._

A couple weeks, that was it. Just a couple weeks later, Cody was better. He was back at home. Brushing his teeth and smiling, just like Zack asked. All it took was a few weeks of praying and a miraculous recovery and Zack was a Christian. Fickle? Maybe. But still, undeniably Christian.

But he did more with his time than just praying. As days went on, sun slowly moving across the sky and sinking behind the buildings; he realized how wrong he was. Zack reflected. He regretted. Truly, he felt bad for doing nothing. It had just been a spontaneous reaction; looking back it was somewhat of an out-of-body experience. It didn't feel right, but it looked so right. He fit in with everybody else; it was all he ever wanted to do.

Zack knew it was dumb, he knew he was dumb for just wanting to fit in. But to him, that's all that mattered. School wasn't about learning. To him, school was about flirting, gossiping. There is such thing as school politics. That's what mattered. Play sports, get girls, flaunt your popularity in front of everyone who idols you just to get by. That's what it was about. Zack knew that if, for some reason, he was stripped of his position as hot-stuff on campus, he'd be devastated. Unlike Cody who had thrown his soul into learning and building his future, Zack had thrown his energies into being "cool" and building his reputation. The war had started – his brother was gay and he'd be made fun of for it. His world was already crashing down, but he didn't want to go down without a fight.

In a matter of days Zack's mindset had completely changed. For better or worse – he couldn't tell. All that mattered was that he was different. He was thinking differently, acting differently. He had gone from being overcome by anger and disappointment at his brother for being gay to being possessed by a feeling – a desire – for revenge. If it really was a war that was started, he was a soldier. He'd fight. But he was fighting for a different side now. Maybe he had initiated the conflict. It was undoubtedly his fault. But it had made him realize what was right and what was wrong. The bottom line was that Cody was his brother and he'd do anything to protect him.

There was no throwing away a lifetime of relationships, and that was what Zack knew he and his brother had. They had been best friends and close brothers for their entire lives. With one final reassurance of his last and final resolve, Zack knew his relationship with Cody meant more to him than Cody's sexuality.

Then he came to another conclusion, one more troubling, but still he needed redemption. He got Cody into trouble by not doing anything; maybe he could fix everything by doing something. He'd let O'Brien and his two friends, Jared McKinley and Brandon Peterson, know that making fun of his brother was not okay. He'd make them regret it for a long time.

A day late, a dollar short? Yeah. Hypocrisy at its finest? Probably. Ridiculous? Clearly. But all's fair in love and war – and this was a war about love at its deepest roots.

* * *

**AN: **Originally this was supposed to be two chapters. I'm sure it's pretty obvious too. I didn't like how short they'd be and they both followed very similar topics so I decided to merge them. Yes this chapter was a bit... succinct... but trust me - it's better that way. Originally I was going to go into detail about Cody's recovery but it was synonymous to a wandering nomad with no sense of purpose or flow (I'm playing the miracle card just like how I played the love at first sight card). I don't want to bore you and myself with writing about all that... there's only so much you can say about regret and pain.

Make sure you look out for the next chapter. Which is written... again... I was bored at school today. I just need to do some editing. How have you guys liked the chapter titles so far? Just curious. I like them better than trying to briefly explain what happens. Normally this would be called "Of Inaction and Recovery" or something like that, but I like this better. I claim no ownership of the song, by the way.

Comments? Questions? Concerns? Hit that button below!


	5. Blood Makes the Blade Holy

**Chapter 5 – Blood Makes The Blade Holy**

**AN: **Similar to the last chapter, this one contains a bit of language, not too bad though. It's from third person but the language is sort of synonymous to what Zack would be thinking. I'm sure there's a term for this, but I don't know it and I don't really care. And this chapter marks the turning point from angst-y romance to angst-y drama. Eric will also play a much (much!) smaller role now. Sorry, I never planned for him to have a very big part.

On a side note this chapter's title isn't a song. Instead it's part of an album name "To All My Friends: Blood Makes the Blade Holy" it's an EP by Atmosphere so there's some very good rap. Not that auto-tuned to crap stuff that's popular now, but good lyrics and a good message. "The Best Day" and "Freefallin'" are my favorite songs from the album. They both have very good messages, go listen to them.

This chapter is a little more poetic than usual, at least the first half. Why? Because I felt like it.

Right now, go do it, read 'The Carnival' by S.K. Millz and 'The Eternal Sunshine of Cody Martin's Mind' by the-lovely-anomaly.

* * *

A day passed. Those twenty-four hours like a liquid running off a sloping hill. Twenty-four hours like a bad day. Computer problems, dogs barking, lost wallet. He found his wallet and his sense of purpose and he put them in his back pocket and he carried them with him.

To pass the time he wrote a love song, 'cause why the hell not?

But his black Ford F-150 rumbled quietly and it took him where he wanted to go. From the glove compartment, a weapon. Metal, black, deadly as his pride. He put it between the waistband of his jeans and his boxers and pulled the keys out of the ignition. Truck dying, lights on, door opening Pandora's box and all his evils spilled out – his demons, his blind devotion and desperation for redemption.

He knew they'd be here. They were always at this damn park at this damn hour. They were shooting cocaine and slitting throats and raping women. Zack laughed. They didn't do any of that. They just _hung out_. 'Cause they were so cool. And under the stars people would gather to watch them _hang out_, silhouettes glowingly and sparsely illuminated, silver.

Thomas O'Brien, Jared McKinley, Brandon Peterson – they were saints, of course. But tonight there was no crowd to watch them _hang out_ because the skies, the heavens above, covered by bloated and bulbous clouds of black and grey, spilling a find and misting rain. And only the moon shining through and the grimy street lamps cast blue and orange light and green.

Zack fingered the trigger of his pride and palmed the handle of his blade – his fear – and walked on. The grass underfoot singing and crying as he step step step step stepped. If was telling a story if you listened – but you had to listen so hard. So closely. You had to close your eyes and stop breathing while taking in the scent of the night and seeing the notes, the music. But if you stopped and if you listened you could hear them. It was an epic tale they were weaving, the threads of their music intertwining like some fine bed linen, some bourgeois shit that cost so much. That damn Egyptian silk or whatever-the-fuck. But they sang, that was for sure. They told the story of a warrior – the last of his kind – and an army of evil underlings and minions. And they fought. The warrior pulled his blade and spit blood on the ground and he swung his blade and swung his tears. But the minions, black and hateful, came and came. Their master was nowhere to be found, nonexistent. They just united and they fought because they were scared and had everything to lose – but their everything was really nothing. And they came and came and the warrior cut them down one after another but there were simply too many. They overcame him and overran him and he was lost beneath their pressure, silenced.

Wearing determination as his armor he prepared for them. His muscles tightened and he pictured Cody laying there on the grass, like he had been on the concrete, bleeding and dying. Zack imagined himself there, frozen. Unable, unwilling to help him. Fearing his own drop in standings. He shook his head when Cody cried out for help and Zack watched his brother get beaten before his own eyes. If only Cody were here now to see this. If only.

He could hear their whispers, their laughter like an arrow piercing air. They could see them, bouncing and grinning, words flowing out of their open mouths like leaves off of an autumn tree – and then they fell to the ground, forgotten, and they crumbled into dust. Where did those leaves go anyway?

He cracked a knuckle. Or set off a stick of dynamite. And they turned to see who was there, sensing his presence. Zack gathered his words, pumped the shotgun, and he looked the tallest one dead in the eye.

They all three looked at each other. Unsure of how to act (they had never truly been friends, just simply on the same level) and how to behave. It was O'Brien that took the reigns. So predictable, that loudmouth bitch.

Neutral voice, "Zack Martin. To what do we owe this pleasure?"

Zack scowled and didn't move. Didn't say anything. Stood. And looked, venomously.

And then they understood the meaning of his presence, "How's the fag? You keeping him away from your dick?"

Zack spat, then spoke. "Cody's my brother. Don't talk about him like that."

O'Brien took a short laugh and hopped down from the rotting picnic table he had perched on. His friends remained rooted at their spots, eyeing him up and down. "How interesting. Last I remember you were standing there watching me beat the shit out of him like everyone else."

A smallish rumble in his chest, "I'm just going to ask you to stop fucking around with him."

O'Brien responded with an all-to-perfect smile but it was still crooked and twisted. His minty-fresh breath wafted over Zack's face as he spoke, dangerously close, "You know what the best part was? The beginning. When he was still conscious. I loved seeing him cry like a little bitch."

All of Zack's muscles contracted at the same time, surprising even him with the intensity of the surge. "You know I'm not here just to talk. So whenever you're finished running your mouth, I'm ready."

O'Brien spat on the ground, slicking a square inch of erect grass, and took a brawlswing without warning. Zack took a step back, avoided the blow with quickness almost near his that of his tongue. He brought his own knuckles across the other boy's face.

O'Brien rubbed the spot, surprised by the pain. "We're on the same side Zack. You know fags are worthless and need to be corrected or they'll burn in hell."

Eyes wide and hopes high, Zack sprinted at him and tackled him to the ground. Then McKinley and Peterson joined in, pulling him off and unleashing their own assault. Zack tried desperately to fight them all off. He was sickeningly more successful than Cody had been, almost like he knew what he was doing.

A brief flurry of grabbing, pulling, punching, yelling, kicking, they all separated, panting. They each could feel knots in their faces hardening and their knuckles split, warm and slick with blood. Then, back into the Tasmanian-Devil-tornado of limbs and sounds.

It wasn't long before one of them – it had been O'Brien – knocked a tired Zack to the ground, like how Cody had been dropped. But the fight wasn't over then. He waited until O'Brien was nearly on top of him, straddling his chest, before he reached between his two waistbands. With a flash of silver and red, life began fading. Thomas O'Brien fell to the ground next to Zack a silver, chrome finished and black handled, knife protruding from his throat. Blood spilled out, black in the darkness. Stick and warm and smelling of salt. And his eyes filled with pain and his voice, his cries for mercy and help, were reduced to stomach-turning gurgling noises.

And his friends screamed and rushed to his side. For a brief minute they battled with the notion of pulling the blade from the poor boy's neck, unsure if it would help or hinder. So one pulled out his cell phone and called 911. The other rushed Zack with a vengeance of his own.

That was when things started fading. Zack, overcome by surprise and guilt and most of all fear, did nothing to stop the attacks. His head turned in every-which-way and his lip split, and so did just above his left eyebrow and underneath his right cheek. Blood coated his face; it tried unsuccessfully to soak into his already rain-saturated clothes. And he blacked out and became unaware of the lingering punches and pain.

Zack dreamt of nothing but blood.

_He was standing in the mountains, in a summit, by a river – so clear and crystalline. The sounds of birds chirping, sun beaming, and water babbling faded into whispers. They were harsh. They were loud. Overwhelming, even. And they grew and grew and grew. Their origin was unknown, the words they spoke, indiscernible. But they were filled with a hate so strong only the human race could comprehend, a hate so strong it could only stem from love. And then the river rose, darkened, and turned to blackish-red blood. The thick running-like-molasses torrent washed over his ankles and rose to his knees an then to his waist. By the time it was mid-chest Zack tried to swim but it was too think and the scent, asphyxiating. The viscous liquid soon sapped the remnants of the strength out of him and his headache caused him to faint, sinking into the depths of the ever-rising blood._

He woke up in a hospital, surrounded by people. His brother was there. As was his mother. And a doctor and a nurse. And a police officer impatiently scrawling fake notes to look important. And they all looked at him at once when he opened his eyes and moaned, the scent of blood still lingered from his dream. Or maybe it was from the surface of his skin.

Like racedogs after a gunshot, "You're okay!"

"What happened?"

"I love you so much!"

"Take it easy."

"I need to ask you a few questions."

He nearly blacked out again, but instead broke down laughing. It hurt to laugh, badly, it hurt. But it was so funny he couldn't help it.

The family went first. Carey showered him with hugs and Cody seemed to have momentarily forgotten their argument because he even smiled and rested his hand on Zack's shoulder, squeezing gently. The contact sent sparks through their skin. But then he remembered and he retracted his hand and his smile. But that brief moment of time travel back to simpler times was more than enough for Zack – he knew he had done something right. He couldn't wait to find out what.

Then the doctors, "Take it easy Zack. You lost a good bit of blood, you're going to be very week…" He stopped listening as he made eye contact with the silverbadge.

He knew exactly what he was there for. He knew exactly what he needed to ask him. His eyes were a blazing blue and Zack's were full of life and laughter and even a sliver of love. He smiled just to piss him off because the cop knew he couldn't do anything with him unless okayed by the doctors and the family.

But that moment was short-lived as the doctor and nurse left the room and he approached him, gun oiled clean. "Zack Martin, I need to ask you a few questions if that's okay?"

Carey stepped in, "Um, excuse me. Can we have a moment here?"

The officer, rude as usual, "Ma'am, I'm afraid this is up to your son. Until he answers the question-"

And Cody popped in, "Actually he doesn't have to do anything right now, Mom. In fact if Zack wants, the officer has to leave the room." Cody's lips tingled at a single word, _Zack_, the flavor - sweet and delicious - lingered_._ It was the first time he had said the name without undertones of hate and sarcasm. It made the corners of his mouth raise and his eyes twinkle slightly.

Zack smirked with an equal rudeness, "Yeah, maybe I'm just not feeling it today."

He took a moment before heading for the door.

"Oh screw it, get back here, Barney Fife, let's have a talk."

The cop nearly growled and approached his bed, "Where were you tonight?"

Zack gave a sarcastic laugh that had been hung out in the sun to dry, "Oh come on now. You already know that. Let's cut the crap and skip the exciting stuff."

Cody just looked on, desperately trying to conceal a smile, _Zack you're an idiot._

The cop made sure to take his own sweet time, "Why'd you stab Thomas O'Brien in the throat?"

Zack wagged his finger and smiled, feeling untouchable, "Good question! Alright. Thomas O'Brien. I stabbed him in the throat because he was making fun of my little brother and almost put him in the hospital. Nobody fucks with my family, get that down on your little notepad, hear me?" He looked him dead in the eye, full of viciousness, "I mean _nobody _fucks with my family."

The officer smacked his lips and took a swing in the brawl of sarcasm, "Duly noted. Why did you-"

Zack intentionally interrupted, "Hey what happened to him by the way?"

The officer narrowed his eyes; "I don't feel at liberty to divulge that information at this current time."

Zack laughed, "You're a real upstanding citizen, you know that?"

"What happened tonight?"

"I went to the park where they hang out every night. I asked him to stop _harassing_ and _assaulting _my brother and he threw a punch. I fought back but eventually the other two joined in and I was outnumbered. They were going to kill me so I got proactive."

The officer was done with the games, "Well Thomas O'Brien is in undergoing treatment to save his life. He's quite lucky he made it. But he'll be on a liquid diet for a long time. The kid's parents are pressing charges for attempted first degree murder." He must have suddenly felt at liberty to divulge that information.

The reality and seriousness descended upon the white-filled room and on Zack. He had almost killed the boy. He knew it really was an attempted murder. He hadn't thought about it beforehand but he didn't care what happened to O'Brien.

_I don't give two shits what happens to him. I hope he dies – he deserves it._

But of course it had been self defense and it had been in defense of his brother. Zack didn't know much about the court systems but he knew he'd probably escape with manslaughter charges and his future, whatever possibilities remained for him, would be destroyed. But it was all for Cody, maybe subconsciously for him, but mostly for Cody.

He hadn't notice the officer leave. He hadn't notice Carey start talking about how everything was going to turn out okay. He did notice Cody sit there, avoiding any eye contact, but with a smallish smile playing gracefully across his lips, and Zack knew everything had been worth it.

**

* * *

**

The next day it was confirmed. Outside, indecisively varying between gray and blue. Inside, white coats and smiles haunted the halls. And everything smelled of disinfectant.

Zack remained rooted to those tubes and machines, their presence warranted by his lack of strength. The doctors were no help, seemingly wanting to avoid him and the swirling aura of legal mess around him. And Zack was thankful, the less they knew, the better. The less he talked about it, the better. He just told Cody and Carey he had done it because of what they were doing to Cody. Things weren't right, but better. It was an improvement, and that's what mattered.

Petit à petit, he'd regain Cody's love. Even if it killed him, and he was starting to think it might.

But the officer returned, actually it was a different one but he still wore a dark blue suit and an overpolished silver badge. This time he served them with a subpoena, courtesy of the O'Brien family. As it would turn out he kid had to be put on the liquid diet, through tubes, for four months while his throat underwent surgeries and reconstruction. Zack had messed him up pretty good. It had been a victory.

* * *

**AN: **Yes, I do realize the grammatical error at the end. It's on purpose.

Thanks to all those people out there reading this story. And thanks especially to those who have reviewed and to those who have favorited this. It means so much to know that everyone is liking this.

For those of you that don't know and can't figure it out... "petit à petit" means "little by little" or "bit by bit" "piece by piece" you get the picture.


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